Tips for Building Romantic Relationships that Last
How to strengthen your romantic relationship and make love last
If you need help with dating and starting a relationship
Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together
for many different reasons. But there are some things that good
relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy
relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in
both happy times and sad:
What makes a healthy love relationship?
- Staying involved with each other.
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without
truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem
stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases
distance. When you need to talk about something important, the
connection and understanding may no longer be there.
- Getting through conflict. Some
couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices
and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though,
is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things
that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve
conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right.
- Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No
one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from
someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having
friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network,
but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
- Communicating. Honest, direct
communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel
comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds
are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body
language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching
someone’s arm.
Romantic relationship help tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive
Touch is a fundamental part of human existence.
Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch
and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in
childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life
indeed.
Studies
have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels
of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a
committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse
is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse
should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship.
Regular, affectionate touch—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is
equally important.
Be sensitive to what your partner likes.
While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to
take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted
touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up
and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.
Romantic relationship help tip 2: Spend quality time together
You probably have fond memories of when you were
first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and
exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming
up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by,
children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other
obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for
your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t
have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.
Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love
- Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
- Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
- Try something new together.
Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things
interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on
a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.
Couples are often more fun and playful in the early
stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes
be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in
the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through
tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.
Focus on having fun together
- Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
- Learn from the “play experts” together.
Playing with pets or small children can really help you reconnect with
your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn
more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
- Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.
Learning how to play again
A little humor and playful interaction can go a long
way in diffusing tense situations and helping you see the brighter
side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how
playful communication can improve your relationship, and fun ways to practice this skill.
Romantic relationship help tip 3: Never stop communicating
Good communication is a fundamental part of a
healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop
relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out
disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through
whatever problem you’re facing.
Learn your partner’s emotional cues
Each
of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some
people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s
responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your
partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For
example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a
loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over
a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what
we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or
away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a
relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending
and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body
language” can help you understand better what your partner is trying to
say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you
say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching
your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling you are
not.
Question your assumptions
If you’ve known each other for a while, you may
assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking
and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While
your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your
needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense
something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people
change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may
be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs
helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to
increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.
Use your senses to keep stress in check
If you’re not calm and focused, you won’t be able to communicate effectively. The best way to
reduce stress quickly
and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds
differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are
soothing to you.
Romantic relationship help tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take
If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in
a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on
each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.
Recognize what’s important to your partner
Knowing what is truly important to your partner can
go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of
compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to
recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly
giving to others at the expense of your own needs builds resentment and
anger.
Don’t make “winning” your goal
If you approach your partner with the attitude that
things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a
compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met
while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the
relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong
convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as
well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what
your partner needs, and compromise when you can.
Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to
keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard.
The goal is not to win but to
resolve the conflict with respect and love.
- Make sure you are fighting fair.
- Don’t attack someone directly but use “I” statements to communicate how you feel.
- Don’t drag old arguments into the mix.
- Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.
Romantic relationship help tip 5: Expect ups and downs
It’s also important to recognize that there are ups
and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page.
Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses
them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like
job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make
it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of
managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with
stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to
frustration and anger.
Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs
- Don’t take out your problems on your partner.
Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot
of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even
feel safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially
feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find
other ways to vent your anger and frustration.
- Some problems are bigger than both of you.
Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person
works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that
you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through
the rough spots.
- Be open to change. Change is
inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight
it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always
taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together
through both the good times and the bad.
- Don’t ignore problems. Whatever
problems arise in a romantic relationship, it’s important to face them
together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working,
don’t simply ignore it but address it with your partner. Things change,
so respond to them together as they do.
Romantic relationships require ongoing attention
Many couples focus on their relationship only when
there are specific, unavoidable problems to overcome. Once the problems
have been resolved they often switch their attention back to their
careers, kids, or other interests. However, romantic relationships
require ongoing attention and commitment for love to flourish. As long
as the health of a romantic relationship remains important to you, it
is going to require your attention and effort.
Guys,
namanya perubahan tuh nggak bisa instan. Nggak mungkin juga dalam
sekejap mata – nggak melakukan apa2- kita berubah jadi manusia yg
efektif or berguna. Musti ada USAHA dan PROSES yg hrs kita lakukan dan
laluin. Apa aja?
